Biopsies

This afternoon I had my appointment with the dermatologist and ended up having 4 moles biopsied. I was surprised that it did not even hurt at all, at least not until the numbing wore off, then it was a different story. I had three removed on my back and one on the back of my neck. The one that was of most concern is being sent to several pathologists so unfortunately I will not know any results for another 7-10 days, but if there are in fact active cancer cells found they will then do a lymph node biopsy and start the staging process to see what stage of cancer it is. It feels so good to have these moles removed, one less thing to worry about :) As of right now I don't feel too worried about the results, I'm anxious to get the results, but I feel like I really might have caught it before anything could truly happen. Although the back and neck are tender areas it doesn't hurt as bad as I thought it would, it's more achey than anything. I'd rather get them removed and deal with a little discomfort than have to constantly worry that something is wrong. Well, I'm going to try to get a nice nap in before Landon returns from the grandparents'. As soon as I hear the results I will update my blog. Thanks for the prayers and for keeping me in your thoughts!
All my love, and gratitude,
Sarah

Facing the Unknown...AGAIN

So I pretty much suck at updating this blog of mine, but at this point in my life I am constantly busy and other than checking facebook, I'm usually not on the computer for a good chunk of time, at least not without interruptions. :) I do, however, feel the need to do some blogging right now, there is so much on my mind lately that I need to vent it and rather than bothering someone on the phone I would rather vent in my own words by blogging.
A few weeks ago I went in for a routine doctor appointment to have some moles checked out, which I do on an annual basis. This time though I had noticed within the past 6 months or so that one particular mole on my back was changing and it would randomly hurt and become very sensitive, so I wanted to make a point to let the LPN know about that. I've been going to my physicians office my entire life, so they have seen me through all my various health problems; my diagnosis of Juvenile diabetes, thyroid cancer and my high risk pregnancy, so I completely trust them. When the LPN walked in the room we greeted each other and had our usual chats about our families, then I told her about the mole that was causing some worry, the instant she saw the mole I knew something was not good when I heard her say, "hmmm...I don't like what I see Sarah." She looked at me and preceded to tell me that she was going to refer me to a dermatologist who specializes in skin cancer and that she wasn't going to remove any moles (which is what I initially thought would happen) since the specialist will most likely need to take tissue from the area surrounding the mole to check for any cancer cells, if they find any cancer cells they will then start the staging process to see how far the cancer has spread and to check and remove/biopsy any other suspicious looking moles. I NEVER thought I would be hearing that word again, "Cancer", it literally felt like someone punched me in my gut, the first thing I thought of was my son Landon, I could not and would not leave him, there is just way too much for me to live for and then I thought if this ends up being cancer will my body be able to fight? It has been 10 years of being cancer free, will it really end this year? Is 10 years all I get? I cannot have Shawn and Landon watch me go through something like cancer, I've already made my family and friends suffer through the difficult process of recovery with thyroid cancer, my husband and son do not deserve to witness any of that, my family and friends don't deserve to witness it for a second time, I know it was harder on my loved ones to watch me go through surgery and treatments for cancer than it was for myself. How do you explain something like cancer to a 2 year old? He wouldn't understand why mommy can't play with him like usual or why mommy looks different, that absolutely hurts my heart to even think about how it would effect him. I just have to remember that the best case scenario is precancerous cells in the mole and all they'll need to do is remove it. Prepare for the worst and hope for the best...that's the best way to deal with the unknown, especially when it comes to health problems. It's just a little harder this time around since the last time I was told all I had was a goiter (benign tumor) on my thyroid and they just needed to remove it by doing a simple 3 hour or less surgery, but when it came to the word cancer it was only brought up once and I was told I had a less than 5% chance of them finding any cancer cells and that it was the slowest progressing cancer and very treatable. Well, when they did the surgery, which ended up being over 10 hours long, not only did they find cancer, but it had already started to spread (so in my case it was not at all slow progressing cancer), my thyroid was removed, along with parathyroids and various lymph nodes in my neck and chest. I went through weekly treatments of radiation treatment for 6 months and missed out on half of my 8th grade year, so after an experience like that I just don't have the most optimistic outlook when it comes to health scares.
Well, my appointment with the dermatologist is next week Friday, May 29 at 12:30, I know for a fact that I will have at least 5 different moles removed and tested, but they may also be doing a lymph node biopsy if they suspect cancer. I strongly believe that the waiting and the unknown is the hardest part, I'm ready to just get everything over with and find out if I do in fact have cancer or not, it's horrible to sit around and in the back of my mind know that I might be sitting here with cancer cells invading my body. Obviously I'm not just sitting around the house constantly thinking about that, but every now and then I catch my mind wondering and I start to think about the "what ifs". Hopefully I had it checked out before it could become progressive or cancerous, and if not, the fact that I am a mom and wife means I am ready and willing to fight with all of have to stay and be able to watch my son grow up, because I will not only be fighting for myself, but I will be fighting for my son and my husband as well and they are my strength. Like my blog title states, "Where there is LOVE there are always MIRACLES", I strongly believe in that and becoming a mom has shown me just how much love I'm capable of giving and receiving; plus just the fact that I was able to become a mom was a miracle. Pray that there won't be any cancer cells found, and if there is, pray that they have not spread yet. If you don't believe in prayer, send some positive thoughts my way, I strongly believe in both, in a way they are pretty much the same. I will update my blog as soon as I know more, so probably not until Friday night. I have no idea who even really reads this blog, but if you are reading this I hope it finds you in good health, don't take it for granted! Take care and God Bless!

Always,
Sarah

Belated Update on our Trip to Colorado

Wedding Day in

Evergreen, Colorado

Landon asleep on the flight out to Denver

Well it has been quite a while since I've posted anything, I'm not very good at keeping up with this whole blog thing, but I'll work on it.
March 25 we took our first trip on an airplane out to Denver, Colorado for my brother's wedding. I knew traveling with a toddler would be stressful, and I also knew that adding both my medications for my diabetes and all of his medications and special formula for his medical needs would add a little more stress when it came to having so much to have in our carry-ons on top of the usual needs like diapers, wipes, bottles, sippy cups, snacks, and so on....but luckily everything went smooth on the ride out, without any delays at security, but our first airplane ended up being a little "puddle jumper" since we first went from G.R. to Milwaukee and that is NOT the ideal plane for a first timer. Initially it terrified Landon, it was very wobbly and loud but once we were up high enough he settled down and fell asleep for our short 25 minute ride. The second, longest flight from Milwaukee to Denver (almost 3 hours) was a little easier on Landon, but we realized the only thing that ended up scaring him was when a flight attendant or pilot talked over the loud speaker, he freaked out every single time until he finally fell asleep. Landon wasn't the stressful part for me, the stressful and annoying issue was the fact that nearly everyone gave me a stare down and had little comments when Landon was scared, he wasn't even the loudest kid on the plane yet it seemed like some stupid people who had "the answer for everything" had a comment about how mom's should handle their kids...I can almost guarantee they have NEVER been a parent and I was SO close to telling them off, but I chose against making a scene. I was very lucky that I had my parents and of course my husband there for support, especially my mom who at one point gave a great stare down and a piece of her mind to one lady who just wouldn't shut her mouth, she was one of those people who never uses an "indoor voice" and seem to have the need to be noticed. ANYWAY...overall the flights went very well and once we made it to Denver we were all very relieved to be done flying and stay on the ground for a while. Our hotel was GORGEOUS, we were up in the mountains and had a suite with a balcony that faced a beautiful mountain range. We had two queen sized beds and that worked out great, Landon actually spent the first two nights sleeping in his very own queen bed like a big boy. Before we arrived the weather was sunny and in the 60s, but the first full day we were there a blizzard arrived and we ended up with 24 inches in one day, we were stranded in the hotel, which was actually just fine for us, but all the local stores and restaurants all closed by 2pm that day due to the severity of the weather, all I thought was of course this would happen once the Michiganders arrived. The rest of the days were gorgeous, mid 50s, sunny and the snow made the mountains look absolutely amazing! The wedding day was perfect, it was a very busy day but SO much fun. Shawn ended up getting sick by the evening and Landon was not having any part of the crowded reception area so I ended up driving the boys back to the hotel and by the time I was done celebrating with my brother and sister-in-law and returned back to the suite they were both sound asleep. The next day we all woke up sick with a nasty cough, which ended up becoming the worst case of bronchitis we've EVER had (it seriously lasted almost 2 weeks) and had to get ready to head home, I think after 5 days away from our comfort zone we were all ready to get home. We didn't get back home until 1am and we were ALL exhausted! I'm happy that the wedding turned out so lovely and that the travel experience wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be, but I have to say "there is no place like home" seriously! Well, I guess that's all for now, I've gotta go cuddle with my boys before bed. I'll be updating soon with Landon's next GI visit coming up in another week.

~Sarah

Landon's Dental Surgery

This morning was such an early morning for all of us, we were all up by 5:30am to make sure we'd get to the hospital by 6:30 for Landon's surgery. Landon was not allowed anything by mouth last night after midnight and of course he woke up during the night (which he does not normally do) and I could tell he was looking for his sippy cup of water that I usually leave in his bed for him and he WAS NOT happy, so once 5:30 came around he was tired, hungry and just not a happy little boy which just got worse once we walked into the surgery waiting room. He knows his waiting rooms/hospitals so he instantly knew something was going to happen and he did NOT like any of it! Once we checked in and walked to the preop room to get him dressed and checked out they realized he puts up quite the fight when he's unhappy, so they gave him some of their "happy medicine", which I guess they give all kids right before the surgery so it's not so tramatic for them when they have to leave their parents...but if that's the case I would think, to be fair, they should give some "happy medicine" to the mommy as well :) That medicine was crazy, he went from shaking, crying, and trying to walk out of the room to being calm, smiley, and laughing at Spongebob and Daddy, he was a totally different boy (slightly resembled an intoxicated little boy though) which both relieved me and worried me. After they wheeled him off to the OR Shawn and I waited in the waiting room. After 45 mins we met with Dr. Sterken and he told us everything went really well, he ended up fixing 4 teeth, 2 molars that needed to be cleaned and capped, and then he had a chipped tooth which he repaired and a spot on another tooth that he cleaned and filled just in case it ended up being the start of decay. After we talked with Dr. Sterken we went back to recovery and I sat with my groggy baby boy for 2 hours while Shawn went back home to get some food. The anesthesiologist came into the recovery room to talk to me and I right away knew it would be about Landon's narrow airway and his laryngomalasia, but he told me how nervous he was about putting a breathing tube in Landon because his airway was so extremely swollen that he had to use a breathing tube sized for a newborn and that he could clearly see the swollen flaps which indicate laryngomalasia and that he could also see signs that he may have tracheomalasia on top of that, I was stunned, the first full year of his life we were told he had tracheomalasia and then last year we were told that no he had laryngomalasia and now I hear that he might have both! He ended up putting my mind at ease a little after explaining that although he saw signs of those disorders he said Landon's lungs were perfect and he handled the whole breathing tube thing fine once they found the right size of tube. It was a draining morning, but we were home by 11:30am and all three of us were napping by noon, so Shawn was able to get a couple hours of sleep in before he had to go into work. Landon's teeth are looking good, I was a little disappointed that his dentist used silver caps for his molars, which I didn't think they used anymore, but as long as it keeps them from causing any more trouble I'm happy. Now I've got to go check on my little guy and hopefully he'll be in a cuddly mood the rest of the day, that's the only thing I enjoy when he goes through a medical problem...he always wants to cuddle and be comforted by mommy :)
~Sarah Rozeboom

Positive Thinking...

So recently I've been trying to see the positives that could possibly come from this whole unemployment problem in Michigan, there have been SO many friends and family that have been affected by losing their jobs, including ourselves last summer when Shawn was "let go" from his job and we were living (barely) on unemployment checks for 5 long months and paying ridiculous amounts of money for full coverage insurance (about $1400/month) but somehow God answered our prayers and Shawn finally landed a great job with Perrigo of Holland. Although I am grateful for Shawn's job it's hard to think of it as being a fully secure job, since it seems like that doesn't exist right now, everyone seems to be "walking on eggshells" every single day, hoping and praying that they wake up with a job. As for the positive thinking there has been one major "positive" I've noticed when it comes to married couples who have or are going through the hard situation of unemployment, they are working TOGETHER in a way that is strengthening their relationship like I've never seen before. Looking back, Shawn and I never appreciated each other as much as we did during those 5 months of "making ends meet" and it made us work together in such a different, powerful way that I just can't even explain. Losing a job is one thing, but when you have someone in the family with a chronic health issue and you lose insurance coverage it's a totally different experience, it's scary. The couples with children and/or health conditions that I have witnessed go through this unemployment devastation are some of the most inspirational people to me, they never fully lose hope and if anything having their spouse and children there give them the strength and determination needed to keep moving, rather than simply giving up. I pray that this economy starts showing improvements soon and that the people impacted by this tough situation come out on top, as stronger, more grateful people. I pray for everyone who is struggling during this horrible time, it seems like nearly everyone is in fact struggling one way or another and above all I pray that we will be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel very very soon. My eyes have been opened to just how bad it has become out there and it makes me even more grateful to be able to remain a stay-at-home-mom, even though I could really use a raise :)
God bless!
Sarah

First Blog

Well, after noticing a few friends who have been a part of this whole blogging thing and after hearing how much it helps some moms to, in a way, "vent" about their ups and downs and even the simple every day struggles or accomplishments that continually happen I thought I should give it a try. So here we go...
Today we had another doctor's appointment for my 2 year old son Landon, he was scheduled for a preop physical (to give us the "okay" to have his dental surgery on March 4) and to have one of his Hepatitis shots given to him. Since my husband Shawn was home I had him come with me so I'd have an extra set of hands to help hold our abnormally strong son down when it was time for that dreaded shot. Landon has been consistently in and out of hospitals and doctor's offices since birth so he learned very early that these visits usually consist of someone holding him down, pushing, poking, and many times hurting him and now he will instantly break down when the nurse calls his name in the waiting room. Today was no different, and I was actually grateful that he acted out like he normally does so Shawn could see just how much I go through every time I bring him to a simple check up, getting his blood drawn is a totally different story :P The nurse that weighed him, measured him and then gave him his shot was in complete shock when she realized just how strong he is and how hard it is to hold him still even for a few seconds. When the three of us (myself, Shawn and the nurse) held him down for the shot the nurse said she has never in her 15 years of nursing dealt with such a strong, solid toddler, she compared his strength to that of a 7 year old. She looked at me and said "Wow you are SO patient and great with him, most parents would be freaking out or breaking down along with their children when they act this way." I looked at her and simply said, "I'm used to it by now." The moment Landon heard the words "ready to go home?" he stopped his panicking and started waving and blowing kisses to everyone around him, lets just say he was more than ready to head home. After that appointment I started to wonder what it's like for mom's with kids who aren't so strong and who are sweet, calm and interactive towards people at doctor visits. Landon has learned what and how to fear certain things or situations as an infant who was a medical mystery for the first 5 months of his life. I know he's behind in the speech department and I also realize that it's due to not having the opportunities to interact with other children on a regular basis, but every day I try to work with him on saying a new word or phrase and although I see improvements we still have a long road ahead of us. Well, this blog is a little boring, but oh well, I'm a first timer and right now I've gotta end this so I can get things done before naptime is over. I will write again soon, we have A LOT of upcoming events in March including his dental surgery on the 4th; our first time flying with Landon on the 25th to Colorado for my brother's wedding which Landon just happens to be the ringbearer in and I am a bridesmaid on the 28th, so I'll be writing as we prepare for all of that. Take care!
~Sarah