Venting...Being a Grown up really bites sometimes!

Last night I made a BIG mistake, after the boys went to bed I decided to go through all of our medical bills (all of which are past due at this point, some are still being paid off monthly from 4 years ago) and crunch some numbers so I could have a better idea of what all needed to be paid and which ones took priority over others...let's just say I did NOT sleep after realizing just how "in over our heads" we truly are.

First let me explain something, Landon has Children's Special Health Care through the State to help cover his medical costs relating to any of his intestinal issues BUT they do not cover dental procedures (unless there's ABSOLUTE proof that the problem is related to his medical disorder); any medical costs that have to do with food allergies; allergic asthma and of course they also let me know that they do not cover medical expenses that have anything to do with repairing hernias or hydroceles! And although we applied for MIChild Medicaid coverage for low income families, due to the "economy being the way it is" (i think that's the #1 excuse being thrown around right now) they've lowered the annual income for a household of 4 and Shawn now makes too much to qualify. The only things we were able to get completely covered these past few months were the new prescriptions and supplements that he added to his already ridiculous list, but the actual hospital bills for his surgeries and recoveries were up to us...our single income family of 4 who also ended up having a car in the shop, which needed a new starter, alternator, AND front brakes, the exact day I received FOUR separate, outrageous, hospital, dental and anesthesia bills. I know there are A LOT of families who are struggling financially right now but this is MY FAMILY and these are bills we couldn't have avoided and didn't acquire from indulging on unnecessary things. I'm just SO INCREDIBLY tired of the redundant stress from lack of funds! NOTHING IS CHEAP, Landon's medical bills are one thing, but the weekly expenses needed to just pick up enough food to fill him up is unbelievable! Organic, natural health food stores are NOT CHEAP, even the non-organic things he can have at "regular" grocery stores are crazy expensive. UGH!

Three and a half years ago Shawn's company, he used to work for, laid off over half of their employees, including Shawn, we panicked knowing that living off of unemployment checks and paying insane monthly fees to stay covered with his insurance was not a long term option for us and after a few months of random short term temp positions which included, a 3rd shift job in South Haven, 3rd shift in Hamilton and so on he was hired in at Perrigo of Holland! Thank God! But nearly 2 years ago we had another crap of luck thrown at us when our mortgage lender royally screwed us (excuse my language, but it's the truth) and we were told that they were going to foreclose on our house unless we paid a LUMP SUM of $30,000! Really?!? Shawn was late for ONE mortgage payment during our years living here, so where was this coming from? If we could pay a stinking LUMP SUM of $30,000 we wouldn't be in need of a big loan, let alone be up to our eye balls in debt at such a young age! Phone call after phone call we never got through to ANYONE  HELPFUL and after a third visit from a guy making sure there was still people residing at this property and taking pictures of OUR home we got a lawyer involved who found out that our house was in fact listed as an upcoming foreclosure already (and it looked like just before Christmas of that year (2009) it would've been officially a foreclosure) but they also had us on 3 different computer databases within their bank's system with only one of them keeping up with our current payments and since they had already placed the delinquency on our credit score there was nothing they could do about it and it's going to stay on our credit for 4-7 years...ANYWAY, to make a long story a little bit shorter, our lawyer got things straightened out for us (except for our credit score unfortunately) and we were able to get re-consolidated as well, which all came at the PERFECT timing, right after Thanksgiving and right before I found out, on my 25th birthday, that I was PREGNANT with baby #2!

I guess what I'm really venting about in this blog post is, even though we somehow always find ourselves in a financial crisis, we also always seem to somehow survive. I just don't know how much more we can handle, every time we start making progress on paying off bills we get "dealt another crappy hand". I absolutely HATE the stress it puts on our marriage and how it seems like every time there's an argument about finances and what to cut back on, etc. we both get super defensive (especially me if co-pays or medical bills are brought up and it sounds like it's something I could've prevented, Grrr!) and the tension is not healthy for ANYONE, especially the kids. There's just SO MUCH we NEED to do, WANT to do, and STRIVE to do to better Landon's life AND Levi's life, but it all involves the need for extra money which we just NEVER have! This past June we were supposed to rip out the carpet in our living room and replace it with laminate flooring to help with Landon's severe dust mite allergy and allergic asthma but then the news of Landon's need of a hernia/hydrocele repair came up. Even the littlest things become big, like changing out our furnace filters every other month to help with his allergies and buying the more expensive ones to prevent excess allergens in the air, is something we just CANNOT DO ALL THE TIME and it KILLS ME especially when I can tell it really does improve his overall health! THE #1 BIGGEST stress for me, as the primary caregiver for our boys, is that the ONLY thing keeping me from making our home a healthier place for our son is money and that, quite frankly, breaks me.

If I had a Wishlist of the things I would want done ASAP to better the health of my son this is what it would look like:
1) Remove old, nasty carpets and replace with a durable, laminate wood flooring. 
2) Have our air ducts professionally cleaned and inspected. 
3) Get a HUGE supply of Filtrete Allergen Reduction furnace filters so I could change as needed. 
4) Purchase a Dyson Animal vacuum certified safe for Allergy and Asthma sufferers.

I could go on with a wishlist but these would definitely be the TOP 4 preventative measures to ensure a healthier home and possibly prevent further medical bills from Landon becoming sick, especially in the fall and winter months when we have to stay inside. If only Ellen DeGeneres were my friend, or Oprah for that matter, but that's a whole other Wishlist ;) HAH! This post may seem a bit odd, but as I've mentioned before, I just needed to vent about the stress of being a grown up with financial responsibilities, let alone being a PARENT with the most IMPORTANT responsibilities, in hopes that tonight I will actually be able to get some sleep. Goodnight!...hopefully ;)
Xoxo
Sarah